How to Turn our Negative Society on it's Head and Start Looking for the Good News.
What you focus on most often becomes familiar, and what is familiar feels real to you. — Robert Holden, Ph.D.
My training in psychology, with its almost exclusive focus on pain, is a very common story.
It also reflects a tendency in our society to focus on negatives. Doctors, for instance, study illness, not health. Business leaders analyze failure, not success. Economists study cost, not value. Philosophers mostly debate original sin, not original blessing. Christians talk endlessly about crucifixion, not resurrection. Mental health organizations publish books on “Understanding Depression,” “Understanding Stress,” and “Understanding Bereavement,” but not on “Understanding Joy” and “Understanding Love.” Continue Reading
How Our Unconscious Fear of Happiness Sabotages Our Efforts to Find Peace
I first became aware of the fear of happiness in my one-to-one psychotherapy private practice, where I experienced three repeating patterns with clients-patterns that my training had in no way prepared me for.
Pattern #1: We Stop Just Before We Get Started
In the first pattern, I would help clients address a particular fear or problem to the point of letting go of fear. Then, when I was convinced they were now ready to let go of their pain and be happy, they would Continue Reading
Why is Satisfaction so Short Lived?
“Satisfaction” is the name given to the type of happiness that is most commonly studied by positive psychologists. It also fits with what some philosophers call “desire theories,” which focus on the happiness that comes from “getting what you want.” Other words used to describe this happiness include “contentment,” “fulfilment,” and also the scientific term “subjective well-being.”
Satisfaction arises when you enjoy circumstances and conditions that are deemed favorable. For example, “I like my life” (life satisfaction) and “I enjoy my work” (job satisfaction). Satisfaction is the result of the thought I am happy because . . .For example, I am happy because my shares have increased in value, my new shoes look so sexy, and I have just been given chocolate. That said, satisfaction is derived not just from “getting things,” but also from finding meaning in certain activities, in having a purpose, in loving relationships, and in values and ethics.
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Is There a Limit to What Money Can Buy You?
We live our lives in the hopes that just one more thing will complete our happiness. The ego’s conditioned thought is that something is missing. And so we look for the missing piece to bring us salvation. And yet, no matter how many things we purchase, gather, and collect, we still feel as if something’s missing. Indeed, there is-the unconditional awareness that nothing is missing. We are, in truth, complete and whole already.
Nothing can make you happy if you won’t accept for yourself that happiness rests within you. You see . . . I know people with fancy dishwashers who aren’t happy. I’ve met people with elaborate stereo sound TV sets, complete with remote control, who are absolutely miserable. I know men who wear Armani and still feel inferior. I know women who can afford to buy a dozen Gucci watches but still have no time for themselves.
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In the pursuit of happiness, there is a single misperception: the belief that your source of happiness is outside you.
All your pain comes from the belief that your source of happiness is outside you. This little fear that happiness is not inside of you already is what feeds your mental junk, your learned unworthiness, and your “not good enough” stuff. Notice how all your thoughts of fear and lack are reversed the moment you accept that every piece of universal joy rests already in your heart. Feel this, now.
Every culture has its sacred sites and holy meeting grounds. Thousands of people every day travel in pilgrimage to far off places like Lourdes, the Great Pyramids, Ayers Rock, the Grand Canyon, Mount Shasta, Stonehenge, Mount Athos, and the Himalayas. These places hold sacred energy, they say. And yet, nowhere is more sacred than the human heart—home of your Unconditioned Self.
You are sacred ground. Do you see this?
Your two physical eyes see bits of things. They see bits of the color spectrum, bits of the Continue Reading
Do You Recognize These Qualities in Yourself?
Joy is the soul of happiness. Like pleasure, it can express itself through the body, but it is not of the body. Like satisfaction, it can be felt emotionally and appreciated mentally, but it is so much more than just an emotion or a state of mind.
Other words used to describe this type of happiness include “bliss” and “felicity,” and also “ecstasy,” which, translated from the ancient Greek ek-stasis, means “to stand outside oneself.” Joy is bigger than your ego.
It exists before the thought of “I.”
Joy is impossible to define, but it can be described. The most inspirational people to have walked this earth have tried to express what joy means to them. For example, Helen Keller described joy as “the holy fire that keeps our purpose warm and our intelligence aglow.” Mother Teresa wrote, “Joy is prayer. Joy is strength. Joy is love. Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.” And C. S. Lewis referred to joy as “the serious business of Heaven.” Continue Reading