Archive for the ‘The Happiness Project’ Category

9 Ways To be Happier

For Both the Soul And The Ego

In my interview with Jessica Dibb for the Enneagram Global Summit 2016 going on from June 7th to June 10th 2016, I explore the topic of happiness from both the soul and ego’s point of view. I also talk about The Happiness Contract, which is how the ego tries to deserve happiness: and I’ll introduce nine soul meditations for experiencing unconditional happiness and greater joy.

Here’s a sneak preview of what I will be covering.

The Happiness Contract is a term I coined, and wrote about in Be Happy, to explore your personal psychology about happiness. Your Happiness Contract exists beneath a pile of thoughts at the back of your mind. It’s just a metaphor, but its effects can feel very real. This contract is a statement of belief about how much happiness is possible, and how much happiness is too good to be true. It’s a personal agreement drawn up by your Continue Reading

9 Common Ways We Limit Our Happiness

How to Recognize Them in Yourself—So You Can Fix Them

Self-acceptance is about being honest with yourself. It is the ability to hold up a mirror and see the original truth of who you are, as opposed to learned self-judgments. Thus, one gift of Self-acceptance is that it improves your awareness of your true self (the Unconditioned Self), which, in turn, helps you to be more authentic and fully integrated with yourself. Another gift of Self-acceptance is accountability-the willingness to Continue Reading

6 Unconscious Ways People Find Happiness

Including 6 Mantras to Bring More Happiness Into Your Life

In the course I often talk about the paradigms of happiness. A paradigm is a pattern of thinking based on concepts, values, and beliefs. Your happiness paradigm, that is, the way you think about happiness, is reflected in your speech and it arranges the shape of what you experience. Hence, your paradigm either opens you up or closes you off from a greater experience of happiness right now.

When I listen to people talk about happiness, I am listening for signs of six popular happiness paradigms. The first four paradigms are commonly expressed by people who believe that happiness exists outside them; the fifth paradigm is commonly expressed by people who believe that happiness exists inside them; and the sixth paradigm is adopted by people who experience happiness as beyond the duality of inner or outer. These people experience happiness as a quality of their essential self.

For each paradigm, I have included a “Red Flag” that highlights a possible block to happiness, and also a “Joy Mantra” that is designed to help you be more open to a greater experience of happiness now. Continue Reading

Focus on Happiness

How to Turn our Negative Society on it's Head and Start Looking for the Good News.

What you focus on most often becomes familiar, and what is familiar feels real to you. — Robert Holden, Ph.D.

My training in psychology, with its almost exclusive focus on pain, is a very common story.

It also reflects a tendency in our society to focus on negatives. Doctors, for instance, study illness, not health. Business leaders analyze failure, not success. Economists study cost, not value. Philosophers mostly debate original sin, not original blessing. Christians talk endlessly about crucifixion, not resurrection. Mental health organizations publish books on “Understanding Depression,” “Understanding Stress,” and “Understanding Bereavement,” but not on “Understanding Joy” and “Understanding Love.” Continue Reading

Are you Afraid of Happiness?

How Our Unconscious Fear of Happiness Sabotages Our Efforts to Find Peace

I first became aware of the fear of happiness in my one-to-one psychotherapy private practice, where I experienced three repeating patterns with clients-patterns that my training had in no way prepared me for.

Pattern #1: We Stop Just Before We Get Started

In the first pattern, I would help clients address a particular fear or problem to the point of letting go of fear. Then, when I was convinced they were now ready to let go of their pain and be happy, they would Continue Reading

5 Qualities of Joyful People

Do You Recognize These Qualities in Yourself?

Joy is the soul of happiness. Like pleasure, it can express itself through the body, but it is not of the body. Like satisfaction, it can be felt emotionally and appreciated mentally, but it is so much more than just an emotion or a state of mind.

Other words used to describe this type of happiness include “bliss” and “felicity,” and also “ecstasy,” which, translated from the ancient Greek ek-stasis, means “to stand outside oneself.” Joy is bigger than your ego.

It exists before the thought of “I.”

Joy is impossible to define, but it can be described. The most inspirational people to have walked this earth have tried to express what joy means to them. For example, Helen Keller described joy as “the holy fire that keeps our purpose warm and our intelligence aglow.” Mother Teresa wrote, “Joy is prayer. Joy is strength. Joy is love. Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.” And C. S. Lewis referred to joy as “the serious business of Heaven.” Continue Reading