The first time I considered the idea that love is real was the night my father died. My mum, David, and I left the hospital at around 9 p.m. We went back to Mum’s house. We stayed up for a while. We didn’t eat dinner. We weren’t hungry. Death does not feel real. I couldn’t comprehend how my father wasn’t here anymore. Continue Reading
Here’s what happened: I’m in the back of a cab, on my way from San Diego airport to Encinitas. It’s early morning. I’ve just flown in from San Francisco where I was appearing the night before on KQED for my PBS show Shift Happens! I’m feeling tired. I’m looking forward to taking a shower. I haven’t done my morning meditation yet. So, I decide to speak to God. I said, “Hey God, let’s talk about love.” God said, “I’d love a peanut butter smoothie.” Continue Reading
There are two types of sacrifice: unhealthy sacrifice and healthy sacrifice. One is based on fear and the other on love. Knowing the difference is a key to knowing how to love and be loved.
Over the years, I have counseled people who tried to use unhealthy sacrifice to save a marriage. It appeared to work at first, but love and dishonesty are not good bedfellows. I have seen lovers try to play small in a relationship so as to heal power struggles and avoid rejection. I have seen children get ill in a desperate attempt to heal their parents’ relationship. I have seen business leaders nearly kill themselves for their cause. Unhealthy sacrifice is often well intentioned, but it doesn’t work, because it is based on fear and not love.
Healthy sacrifice is a different story. To be happy in a relationship, you have to be willing to sacrifice fear for love, independence for intimacy, resentment for forgiveness, and old wounds for new beginnings, for instance. Above all, you have to stop giving yourself away and learn how to give more of yourself. You give yourself away when you are not true to yourself, when you play a role, when you don’t speak up, when you don’t ask for what you want, when you don’t listen to yourself, and when you don’t allow yourself to receive. The key is to remember that whatever you are trying to achieve with unhealthy sacrifice can also be achieved without it. Continue Reading
Separation is the great disease of mankind. It is because you believe you are separate and alien to the rest of life that you experience lack, struggle, conflict, illness, and pain.
Think about it!
It is impossible to feel wholly connected to life and be depressed. It is impossible to experience pure oneness and have anxiety. It is impossible to join unconditionally with someone and be in fear. It is impossible to be with God and in hell.
When you are tempted to fence off a piece of the whole and call it “self,” “mine,” and “own,” the price you pay for these acquisitions is to feel estranged, separate, and disassociated from the whole field of creation. Everything now feels outside “you,” including happiness, love, peace, Heaven, and God. The word hell in Old English means “fence” or “boundary.” Continue Reading
The first spiritual practice Louise and I have created for you combines self-love and mirror work.
This practice has two parts to it. It takes about 15 minutes to do it, and the benefits will last a lifetime.
The one piece of equipment you need is a mirror. Any mirror will do. Make sure you give it a good polish before you begin. You are about to meet the most important person in your life.
Remember, your relationship with this person (namely you) is very powerful—it influences your relationship with everyone and everything.
Be sure you are sitting comfortably.
Look into the mirror. Look into your eyes. Inhale deeply.
Say to yourself these three words: Life loves you
And then exhale.
It’s good to keep breathing! Repeat this ten times. Notice your response each time. Pay attention to the three languages of response: sensation (body messages), feelings (heart thoughts), and thoughts (mental commentary).
Have you ever struggled with letting go of a past hurt or grievance? Have you ever had the desire to forgive, but you couldn’t bring your feelings to let go of the need to be right? The struggle to have the grace to forgive is one to which I think we all can relate.
My own early efforts at forgiveness didn’t work very well.
I could forgive, but I couldn’t forget.
Deep down I knew that forgiveness must be better than that. Over time, I gradually changed my mind about forgiveness in a way that you might not expect. Instead of focusing on forgiving others, I focused on forgiving me. Continue Reading